Am Writing

Yes, Jennifer is still alive.

No, her manuscript is not quite ready for the Baker’s Dozen Auction yet.

But it will be!

Meanwhile, the Baker’s Dozen logline critique rounds have begun. Check them out here to provide aspiring authors with your valuable feedback. My logline was entry number #11. Thanks to all who commented.

If you’re not sure how to write a log line (like me!), check out this very helpful article on Query Tracker. I’ve been using their seven questions, and the Baker’s Dozen critique feedback, to revamp my logline.

  1. What genre is the book?

YA Urban Fantasy

  1. Who is the main character?

Toria

  1. What makes her unique?

She can re-live her eighteenth year over and over

  1. What is the inciting incident?

a)    Her mentor is captured by tarot thieves

b)    Princess destroys her cousin Tami’s tarot cards, leaving her with less than a year to live

  1. What is your main character’s goal?

a)    Determine who the tarot thief is and stop him

b)    Steal Princess’s boyfriend and opal to avenge Tami

  1. What is the major conflict your character will face? Unlike in the query, you only have room for one conflict in the logline.

a)    Tarot thieves hunt her to steal her cards

b)    Attracting a guy and breaking into a bank

  1. What is the consequence if the main character fails?

a)    She and her cousin both die

b)    She and her cousin both go to jail, or die

You tell me: Which new and improved logline do you prefer?

Toria has re-lived her eighteenth year as fifty different aliases, conning her way around the globe. After her mentor is captured, a mysterious tarot thief in Seville hunts Toria. She must protect her magical tarot cards, which contain her remaining years of life, until she can identify and stop the tarot thief.

Toria has re-lived her eighteenth year as fifty different aliases, conning her way around the globe. After a vicious bully destroys all her cousin Tami’s magical tarot cards, the girl has less than a year to live. Toria agrees to avenge her cousin by stealing the bully’s two most prized possessions: her boyfriend and a priceless black opal locked in a bank vault.

 

About Jennifer Kay

Jennifer Kay is a KidLit author and Structural Engineer. She has a VCFA MFA in Writing for Children and Young Adults, is an SCBWI Rockford Network Rep, edits the SCBWI IL Prairie Wind, and belongs to Mystery Writers of America. Jennifer works as a writer, freelance editor, literary agency reader, and creative writing teacher.
This entry was posted in Jennifer, Writing, Young Adult Books and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

92 Responses to Am Writing

  1. C. M. Keller says:

    I like the first logline better. The stakes seem higher to me. (Though I’m fascinated by the black opal.)

    Happy Blog Blitz Day!

  2. Hart Johnson says:

    I think the second logline is clearer. Best of luck with it! These things are so hard!

  3. Shah Wharton says:

    I think the second one flows better, but could still use a few punch words. Egs. Saying Tori ‘agrees to’ do something is powerless. Maybe say, Tori ‘has to’ or ‘needs to’ do something.

    Happy BLITZ day. 🙂

  4. Sheri Larsen says:

    Love these questions! Thanks for sharing them and your answers. Best of luck to you.

    Happy Blitz Day!!!

  5. Chrys Fey says:

    I love writing loglines for my books! Am I the only one? 😛

    My vote goes to the second logline. And Happy Blitz Day!!!! 😀

  6. The first logline has more intrigue…the second one is smoother…
    HAPPY BLOG BLITZ DAY! 🙂

  7. Jeff Hargett says:

    I think I’d have to vote for the second one. Interesting construction technique though.

    Waving from the blitz a wee bit early… even the tarot can’t fathom what lies in store for me tomorrow. 😉 Enjoy and best of luck to you!

  8. Trisha says:

    The most successful logline I ever wrote (and I haven’t written many) was one sentence, and got an agent’s attention. But I am usually terrible at writing queries, blurbs, etc.

    Happy Blitz day! 🙂

  9. Cricket says:

    Happy Blitz Day

  10. Heather Musk says:

    Hi Jennifer! I prefer the first logline. It has more intrigue and mystery, drawing my attention and making me want to find out more. I found the directness of the second one a little distracting.

    Happy Blitz Day!!!

  11. I like the second one, and Happy Blitz Day.

  12. I think I prefer the second – it gives a clearer, better defined set of goals.

    Happy Blog Blitz Day!

  13. DL Hammons says:

    I think I prefer a combination of the two. The first one hints at higher stakes, but the second one flows better and better illustrates your voice. Maybe a third one is on the way?

    BTW…You’ve been BLITZED! Enjoy. 🙂

  14. I like the first logline better. I don’t love the end stakes on the second one. Good luck and Happy Blitz Day!

  15. I vote for the second one. Definitely.

    Happy blitz day!

  16. Elise Fallson says:

    Happy Blitz Day and Huzzah for YA Urban Fantasy!
    I vote for the second logline too.
    Good luck! 🙂

  17. Jackie F. says:

    I like both loglines, but the first flows better. Sounds like a great story!!!
    Happy Blitz Day!!!

  18. I think your premise sounds awesome. When I was a teen, I used to love using tarot cards. Happy Blitz Day!

  19. Nicki Elson says:

    Thanks for the tip on asking the 7 questions. Mmmm…I lean toward the first logline. Too bad you can’t work in both conflicts.

    Happy Blitz Day!

  20. They are sounding pretty good. Almost there!

    BAZINGA!

    You’ve been BLITZED!

    Enjoy your day!
    Heather

  21. Sherry Ellis says:

    I like the second. Good luck figuring it out! Happy Blitz Day!

  22. Dawn Allen says:

    Happy Blitz Day!

  23. I like the 2nd one best. This sounds like a creative and unique storyline. Congrats.

  24. Anna says:

    I prefer the second one.

    Happy blitz day!

  25. Miranda Hardy says:

    I enjoyed the second one better.

    Happy Blitz Day!

  26. The second one really draws me in! It’s amazing the difference between the two. Thanks for sharing the process!

  27. Arlee Bird says:

    Happy Blitz Day!

    I’ll go with the second one. Seems like more precise action described.

    Lee
    Tossing It Out

  28. Hi, Jennifer. HAPPY BLITZ DAY!!

  29. I like the second one too. Happy Blitz Day! 🙂

  30. Happy Blitz Day, Jennifer!

  31. Chippy says:

    Happy Blitz Day!!! 🙂

  32. I like #2 also, reads much clearer. Love the steps. They really do help make sure you get all the pertinent information in the logline.

    Happy Blitz Day!!

  33. dolorah says:

    I liked #1 better because it is all about her life and choices.

  34. Happy Blog Blitz Day!

  35. Tim Knight says:

    Congratulations! You’ve been Blitzed 🙂

  36. Sarah Ahiers says:

    Woo! happy blitz day!

    And you’ve got plenty of time, still, to get ready for BD.

    I was in BD last year and it was awesome (I ended up with two offers from BD, actually, so it’s well worth the effort you put in) but it took my like 3 years to get in.

    I’m crossing my fingers for you!

  37. Happy Blog Blitz Day. Best wishes for your writing success.

  38. Tiana Smith says:

    I like them both, do I have to pick one? 🙂 If I HAD to pick, I’d say the stakes seem higher in the first one. But, they both have something different to offer.

  39. I like the second, but you can still tweak it further take out unnecessary words, like all,”destroys her cousin, Tammy’s cards…” is enough. Remember log lines should be very tight. Get rid of everything but the bare essence of the story.

    HAPPY BLITZ DAY!

  40. I’m leaning toward the second one – I like the info in both of them but the second one flows a bit better 🙂 Excellent questions for logline writing!

  41. I vote for the second one, but I’m a little worried about how very different each of the loglines are. It’ll be interesting to see how you weave both storylines together.

    HAPPY BLITZ DAY!

  42. Roxy Moreau says:

    I definitely prefer the second one, it’s clearer and has more emotion in it.

    This is a really handy post too, the questions are great!

    Happy Blitz Day 🙂

  43. Beth says:

    I like #2! Happy blitz! 🙂 also love the MC’s name.

  44. I know how much of a bear these things are to write. I’d go with number one. Great day to be blitzed. You’re getting a lot of feedback. Good luck!

  45. Michelle Hauck says:

    I like the first line of the second logline best, but think the stakes are clearer on the 1st logline.

    Happy Blitz day!

  46. Mary Pax says:

    Ooo. Cool sounding story. #2 appeals more to me. The language needs to be tightened.

  47. Zan Marie says:

    Happy Blitz Day!!!! May showers of confetti fall everywhere you go!

    I think you need to combine the two…someway. I’m certainly no expert. 😉

  48. Ella says:

    I love this post and thanks for sharing!
    Nice to meet you and Happy Blitz Day!
    Now, where did I put the virtual confetti-Cheers!

  49. Amanda says:

    First, thanks so much for the link to the loglines post! Totally pinned so I don’t lose it!
    The second logline is more interesting to me, but the construction of the last sentence bothers me. I had to wonder for a second why her boyfriend was in a vault before my brain caught up. 😉
    Happy Blitz Day!

  50. Bish Denham says:

    Excellent questions to help narrow things down for a tag line. Also for helping to formulate what your story is about before you start writing.

    Happy Blitz Day and good luck with finishing your novel in time to participate in the Baker’s Dozen!

  51. Simla says:

    Happy Blitz Day!

  52. Emma Adams says:

    Happy blitz day! Your project sounds really cool. 🙂

  53. Brandon Ax says:

    The book sounds really cool.

    Happy Blitzday!!!

  54. Jenni Enzor says:

    I’d go with number 1. I think it just sounded a bit more specific, yet didn’t give as much away. Good luck with Baker’s Dozen!
    And happy Blitz day!

  55. Happy Blitz & good luck with the writing!

  56. Both loglines are good, but I think the second is just a bit better. I felt more excitement reading #2 than #1
    Happy Blitz Day!

  57. LD Masterson says:

    Happy Blitz Day.

    I like the sound of the second line but the stakes (protecting the rest of her life) are higher in the first.

  58. Fingers crossed for your book! Happy BLITZ Day!

  59. Jennifer, your plot sounds interesting. I like the second log line.
    Happy Blitz Day!

  60. Happy Blitz Day! I love the idea of a tarot thief!

  61. Johnell says:

    The second one gives a better sense of the story I think. Happy Blitz Day.

  62. L.G. Keltner says:

    This project sounds awesome! I think the second one is better. Happy Blitz Day!

  63. Definitely prefer #2. You will revise your logline again and again and again. Amazing that a sentence or two can be so difficult, but it’s precisely because you need to convey stakes and voice in such few words that it’s so hard. Good luck!

  64. 18 over and over again sound scary.

    Happy Blitz day!

  65. Jeff Chapman says:

    I like the second one. It has more specifics but the word bully kind of throws me off. I think I’ll give this technique a try. Happy Blitz Day!

  66. Hi Jennifer, nice to meet you.

    since I know nothing about log lines, this is a lucky stop for e today. Aside from a nice visit I’m learning something.

    I like the first one better. It seems to convey a better sense of urgency.

    I hope you’re enjoying being Blitzed!

  67. You’re missing the key elements in your logline:
    The protagonist, her goal and the antagonist.

    A desperate eighteen year old Princess must hunt down thieves who have stolen her chance at rebirth or die in less than a year.

    Always add one key adjective to describe the protagonist. I’ve added desperate, but you may think another is more accurate.

    Happy Blitz.

  68. Erin Funk says:

    I prefer the first one. It doesn’t give too much away, it creates interest, and it flows well. Hope you enjoy your Blitz Day! 🙂

  69. Ooh, neat, sort of a Groundhog’s Day kind of thing? Sounds cool!

  70. Mary Hill says:

    I like the first one the best. The second goes into issues that you have to read the book more fully to understand. By the way, happy Blitz day. 🙂

  71. Abigail says:

    Wow what an interesting idea!!! Great work! And HAPPY BLITZ!!!

  72. Marci says:

    Happy Blitz Day! Good luck finishing up that manuscript – I’m excited for you! 🙂

  73. Rhonda Albom says:

    By now it’s no surprise – happy blitz day 🙂

  74. Jamie Ayres says:

    Happy Blitz Day, and your book sounds fantastic! I like the second log line best, but I suggest taking out the cousin’s name. You don’t need it, and with the two ‘T’ names in such a short piece, it already gets confusing. Good luck to you <3

  75. Al diaz says:

    Hello! I vote for the second one. Happy Blitz Day!

  76. I like the first logline best. Happy Blitz Day.

  77. I like the second one better!
    Happy Blitz Day (a day late. ack.)

  78. Jennifer Kay says:

    Thanks so much for all your awesome feedback. And an extra special Thank You to DL Hammons! He always seems to know when someone could really use a Blog Blitz:)

  79. stephen tremp says:

    Hey Jennifer, you’ve been Blitzed! Enjoy the fun!

  80. A. B. Keuser says:

    Hapy Blitz day (late)! I’m on the “first log line” bandwagon

  81. PK Hrezo says:

    Happy Blitz Day Jennifer! I love the sound of your book. 🙂

  82. So sorry I’m a bit late for the shebang, but the 1st was moving day for me, and it was a MESS!! I hope you enjoyed your BLOG BLITZ DAY!!! (((Throwing glitter after you’ve already cleaned up the blog!!))) Eva

  83. Khushboo says:

    Both seem pretty interesting. Happy Blitz day! 🙂

  84. Sia McKye says:

    Appreciated the link and info on query tracker. I see the value in the first with the questions and answers. I like the smoothness of how you applied those question/answers in the blurb. 🙂

    Man, reliving your 18th year 50 times? Um…no thanks, lol!

    Wishing you the best!

    Sia McKye Over Coffee

  85. L. Moon says:

    You give just a bit more info to chew on with the second “log-line.”
    Wishing you all the best with your polish – I just finished one of mine and the extra fun part was editing in another language (UK English).

    Cheers!

  86. Deniz says:

    Happy belated blog blitz. Love the name Toria!